


Fearful Symmetry

by joouheika



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Manga Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-11
Updated: 2015-06-11
Packaged: 2018-04-03 20:59:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4114756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joouheika/pseuds/joouheika
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Corporal Levi confides in Eren. [post chapter 70]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fearful Symmetry

Eren is following after Levi across a passageway along the wall. 

Typically only the garrison is allowed in this area but since the Survey Corps have been cooperating with them, and building that weapon, they’ve been allowed access.

Usually this way is lit with torches but with those shining stones there is no need. The dark of night has long encased their movements, illuminated is their path only by those shining stones. Beautiful in the light of day and even more so after the sun has set. It feels a little odd after all this time, to not just rely on his keen vision in the dark or that of a carried lantern. But it’s sure to be gotten used to as time passes. How much time that will be…

Levi doesn’t know.

Will it be as much time as it takes for them to reach Shiganshina District and take it back?

Will they be using these shining stones to light their way outside the walls?

“Corporal Levi.”

Levi stops and turns around on hearing Eren’s voice.

Eren’s footsteps had ceased before his.

Eren resumes them to close the distance.

Standing before Levi he presents the reason for calling Levi’s attention to him now, in all places.

They are at the area of the wall where the first titan guillotine had been completed. It must have reminded Eren, though only a few days have passed and it’s not like they haven’t been by the wall since then.

In Eren’s hand, held out to Levi is the handkerchief he’d given to him, pure white. Obviously, meticulously cleaned to par.

Levi makes no motion to take it.

“There’s no need to return it to me. I’m sure you will have need of it again. Keep it. ”

Levi knows with certainty.

Eren will not give up.

Even if it’s just a little nosebleed (Eren says), a bit of a cough (Eren insists), a limb lost (Levi has witnessed), a vision half caught in a dream or nightmare (they all have seen), he will not give up. So Levi will not take it back. If Eren will have need of it again, again, again-

Thinking how much more again there might be and how much there will actually be is entirely up to Eren.

If Eren wants to keep going, to keep running, to keep fighting, he will.

To protect the lives of his friends and family that remain, to humanity who is just as caged as he, to make sure the bloodshed at Wall Maria is avenged, to make sure the lives that’d been lost for the sake of keeping him alive was not sacrificed in vain. 

They may not need the fire of a torch, the flame of a lantern any longer, but they still yield to the sun. 

Burning, hotter, more beautiful than anything.

Is this boy’s determination.

His will won’t ever be broken.

That’s why-

“Thank you very much, Corporal.”

Eren draws back his hand to his breast, still holding the handkerchief. The doubt on his face easily readable. He’s worried Levi had not accepted the return of his handkerchief for another reason, that it hadn’t met his cleaning standards. The worry pinches at Eren’s expression, above his weariness. Even after a hard day of training, even after saving them, and giving them a means to victory where no more have to die, he still cares about that sort of thing.

How the Corporal is feeling.

“It’s nothing. Eren.”

Eren looks to Levi, expecting him to turn back around and resume walking.

But he does not.

He reaches into his coat pocket, and draws out what Kenney had been holding onto for so long.

Eren recognizes it immediately.

“Sir, that’s-!”

“Erwin told me to hold onto it. I’m assuming he’s assuming that I’ll only use it in the worst case scenario.”

Should Levi can’t hold his sword anymore, should Eren be defeated, should they at all costs, must stop the Armored and Colossal titan or worse…

Eren looks to Levi, thinking hard, sweat at his brow, wondering at what Levi is getting to.

“…Eren. If you think it’s too much for you. Let me to take your place. I don’t lack the strength. Don’t waste your life.”

The night air is cool, and colder along the harsh stone of the walls.

Eren looks on at Corporal Levi in shock.

“How… how will you take my place?”

Levi tells him plainly.

“The Colossal or Armored titan is bound to appear again. If you cannot defeat them then I will.”

Eren listens.

“The crystal the Female Titan has enshrouded herself in, Hanji is close to finding a way through to it.”

Listens.

“If that is the case then I’m willing to make a bet that it’s not impossible for me to do this. What do you say Eren?”

Eren.

Speaks.

“Are you asking me… to decide Corporal Levi?”

Levi looks down to the box at hand. He’d asked Erwin why he didn’t just order him to take it if he wanted him to carry it. But he already knew. Both their words had been for show for their superiors in the room. Erwin expects him to take his word always, order or not. Levi typically does. There’s no need to ask. If he’s gunna do it he’ll do it.

However.

If he does this.

Will it infringe on Eren’s free will?

Levi looks back up to Eren, that golden gaze on him burning, burning, molten and-

“That's right. I am asking you.”

Bright.

Eren’s hands are balled at his sides, that handkerchief is caught in the grip of one of those fists.

Eren remembers what Corporal Levi had said to him in the cave, at that time when he’d hesitated.

_Sorry, it always has to be you Eren._

So he feels bad for him does he?

_Choose whatever you like._

A forest scene rushes up to him, they are on horseback and they are all following their Corporal and waiting for his orders yet he tells them- he tells Eren-

_I don’t know. I don’t ever know what’s going to happen. But we must choose what actions we think will bring about the consequences we’ll regret less._

If Eren accepts Corporal Levi’s decision now… to bear his suffering, will he regret it less than had he just suffered all the way through?

Eren knows why Levi is doing this.

Corporal Levi does not have a dream.

He doesn’t know how having been in the dark for so long.

He has followed Erwin wanting to see the end of a dream, and he has supported Eren in wanting to see the beginning of another. Even though it’s all the same. 

While he lacks a dream he has a desire.

It is the same as Eren’s.

To be free.

No person should walk on this earth hindered, beneath anything than the endless sky.

There’s not much time.

For what and who is there not much time?

Between the two of them who stands to not be here much longer?

That is why.

Even so.

“Corporal Levi… I cannot allow you to become a monster for my sake.”

Burning bright.

Are those eyes that look upon him.

“I will do it. I will do my duty… but I understand you must do yours.”

This is why.

“Should I fall in battle… or should I lose control in pursuit of victory and endanger everyone else… then I beg of you! Only then can you be allowed to take my place.”

Eren believes. Should Levi inject the serum into himself to become a titan, no doubt he will be strong enough to utilize these powers. But who will he have to eat? Who will he have to kill? Who will he become a murderer, a monster, over? He will have to eat someone to become a shifter.

So if there is a time that he must and there must be someone who has to be eaten.

Even if they are their enemies, Eren doesn’t want it to be Annie… Reiner… or Bertholdt.

If Corporal Levi must eat someone then Eren can only allow it to be him.

Since initially, Corporal Levi had made his offer, all on account of him.

The ideology of the first king, that has never risen to overtake his own, but has only tried to trap him and bar him in a dream not truly his. Corporal Levi who does not dream but acts… there is no way he will be overtaken by it.

Erwin entrusts the serum to Levi.

Eren entrusts his will to Levi.

If Eren cannot be broken, then with Levi’s strength- for sure without fail- Levi will- they will- together-

“Is that your final decision?”

Levi asks.

Eren nods.

Levi puts away the case with the needle and serum back into his coat pocket.

Eren seems to become more at ease with it out of sight, his body less tense but the fire in his eyes promising of one thing, determined for one thing, believing in one person.

This had not been Levi’s intent but it is the consequence.

Levi had wanted Eren to believe in himself but he could not allow himself to do nothing, much like Eren can never just stand by either. And so Eren believes in Levi above himself.

No.

Eren can only believe in himself if Levi is with him.

Levi knows why.

Levi gets down upon one knee before Eren but it is not because Eren has fallen again, and it is not another handkerchief that Levi offers. With a fist over his heart in salute, he offers only one thing to Eren.

Looking straight into that gaze, whose vision could not be kept at bay by a few rusty bars.

“Just as you entrust your life to my protection, I entrust my fate to your decision. If this is what you want, then it will be done.”

Since that time Levi first laid eyes upon him, not resting in his cell rising to the call only when asked what it is he wants to do, but Levi had stood above them, looking at a desperate situation that could have been way worse than it’d been at Trost.

All because Eren had gave it his all with the support of comrades, to do one thing.

There is only one thing they can ever do as soldiers.

Fight.

Their duty.

Levi is surprised as Eren drops to his knees before him in response. Concern wracking through him as he thinks Eren might be bleeding again. But that is not the case. Eren is still clutching onto his handkerchief, hands both held against his chest as he looks, looks, looks at Levi. Believing all Levi has said, knowing it, but Levi can see it, Eren thinking himself undeserving.

“Corporal, please! Rise! There is no need for you to-”

“No, Eren. There is every need. You’ve misunderstood. You and I are the same.”

Eren is still on hearing that.

On his knees before Levi, who’d bent the knee to him to get his point across. Eren’s lips slightly parted in anticipated breath. His knuckles white. He has that handkerchief and yet he does not use it, as a few tears start to fall. Levi is left with no choice on this matter then. Since he’s not another handkerchief to give. He reaches with his hands to wipe those tears away.

“What you choose Eren, I choose as well.”

Eren does not speak, only a quaking breath, and more tears, warm and clear fall across Levi’s fingers.

“What do you think Eren? Am I wrong to have decided to do as such?”

Eren holds Levi’s hands to his face, sobbing. Overcome. Levi leans closer to him. Eren turning to him, wanting-

Having.

“You are not wrong sir.”

His tears stop.

"If we are one in the same then it's only natural."

Akin to another, to instinct.

They kiss.

Not drawing from the other for a while.

Eren has a hard time getting back to his feet.

When he barely manages it, weary from earlier training and this late hour, and all that Levi had said to him- and he to Levi. Corporal Levi hoists him into his arms and carries him.

Eren gives Levi no objections.

They leave the wall, heading back to HQ, there are no stones to light their path.

But with Eren in his arms, Corporal Levi does not once stumble.


End file.
